Should We Elope?

5 questions to help you decide.

More and more, couples are considering eloping in New Zealand, as it gives them the freedom to create a day that reflects their relationship rather than other people's expectations.

Eloping is an easy decision for some couples. They know exactly what they want and feel completely confident choosing a day that's focused on just the two of them. For others, the idea of getting married without friends and Whānau present can feel daunting.

So often, couples put huge amounts of time, energy and money into creating a day that keeps everyone else happy, and somewhere along the way forget that this moment is actually about them.

If eloping has piqued your interest but you're still on the fence, here are five questions to ask yourselves.

1.   Are we planning this wedding for ourselves or for other people?

If nobody else’s opinions mattered, what would you choose?

For some couples, having their nearest and dearest around them is the focal point of their wedding day. But involving other people in your day is arguably one of the biggest challenges when planning a wedding. It can be hard to remember that this day is really about your love story when you're busy managing everyone else's expectations.

How would it feel to remove everyone else from the picture and just have the two of you?

If you immediately feel inspired and relieved at the thought of that, eloping could be the answer!

2. What do we want our day to feel like?

Put logistics and budgets to one side for a moment and think about what resonates with your relationship.

Does the idea of a private, intimate wedding day feel exciting? Does it feel like a relief? Or does it leave you wishing your favourite people could be there too?

Have you dreamt of a day that feels relaxed, intimate and completely centred around the two of you? Perhaps a micro wedding appeals, but when you really picture your day, you imagine spending most of it with your partner rather than entertaining guests.

Think about what matters most to you as a couple. Is it a big celebration? An adventure? Or peaceful moments togehter?

There are no right or wrong answers, but understanding how you might want to feel on your wedding day can help point you towards the option that works for you.

3. Can we separate our marriage ceremony from a celebration?

Many of the couples I've married choose this option as a way of still including friends and Whānau.

Having an elopement alongside another celebration allows them to have the intimate experience they truly want, while still sharing their joy with the people they love.

Oftentimes, planning a party to celebrate your marriage is a lot easier than planning a full-blown wedding. You might elope and meet your friends at the pub later that day. Or perhaps wait six months and have a big family celebration. You could even have multiple smaller events with different groups of people.

The point is, once you take the expectation of a wedding out of it, you might find that hiring a room at your local bar to celebrate your marriage feels far more manageable.

4. What would we rather spend our budget on?

Many couples eloping decide certain elements of their day are super important to them, so they’d much rather concentrate their budget into those key sections.

E.g. if you wanted a hill top elopement you might spend your budget on a helicopter ride. Or maybe you want a casual beach ceremony, followed by a fine dining meal you’ve always wanted to try? Perhaps you want to hire an incredible photographer to get stunning portraits of you?

When planning a wedding day, the priorities of the budget are stretched across all of these elements, venue typically taking the biggest chunk.

If you’re no longer having to feed 80 people, your options open up!

And maybe you don’t want to spend much on your day at all….because it’s the exciting honeymoon afterwards that’s important to you both.

5. What will matter most when we look back on our wedding in 20 years?

Zoom out for a moment. How do you want to feel when you look back on your day?

Do you want to remember being surrounded by your family and friends? Do you want to remember having a huge party with a live band and lots of dancing?

Or do you want to remember spending quality time with your partner? What does getting married really mean to you…and does it need to include a big wedding?

For some couples, their favourite memories will be of a packed dance floor and celebrating with everyone they love.

For others, it will be standing on a beach, a mountain top, or in a quiet corner of the world, making promises to each other without distraction.

A final note: In Aotearoa, you'll need two witnesses present to make your marriage legal.

That might be your photographer, videographer, two loved ones, or even friendly strangers who happen to be nearby.

The good news? Your witnesses only need to be present for certain parts of the ceremony. The rest can still feel private, personal and completely centred around the two of you.